Easily Distracted.

On my desk at school all year was a sticky note that simply said, "Do not let your faith become easily distracted."
This was such a prayer for me the past 11 months. There is almost nothing more frustrating to me than distraction. Especially when I find myself totally willing to be distracted. I am like a stupid bug, staring at the zapper, practically letting myself get caught. This is nothing violent. It's natural and feels good. It makes sense and I can usually legitimize it
Therefore, I am amazed that this is not the case right now. I'm totally NOT distracted. I know exactly what it is I need to do and focus on. I know just where I should be and just where my heart lies. Still, I cannot help but be frustrated.
You see, I am here. In Dallas. In an apartment that is air conditioned. With an adorable dog. And every movie I could ever want to watch. And an X-Box 360. And a Wii. And a television that shows up in HD. I also have the internet and a Macbook Pro. And a Nikon D40.
Still, I am totally frustrated. There is something so unsatifying (praise Jesus!) about being here. I long for community and relationship. I want to get lost in the woods and be able to just wander to the East to find my way back. If I wandered in Dallas, Texas, I would, no doubt, get lost. Entirely lost.
This is a bittersweet thing for me. Because for the first time in a long time, I know what I want and I have my head on straight and my heart is quiet and priorities are set. Oh, bliss.
Yet, I cannot breathe. Why is this? Probably because I don't have what I want. I don't have so many friends around me. I don't have Ten West or SpringHill Camps or even Atascadero. I just have myself, and Dallas most of the day. And we sit here in silence while I try to bend time and make my sister come home from work sooner so that I can talk to a person. And even then I just miss things.
Oh, heart. You miss so much. You want so little and yet it seems like an ocean full of so much.