What I look forward to most.

When it comes to Moody, I've been having doubts. I've been afraid of this and that and the other. I realize only now that in 19 days, the way I live my life is going to change. The backroad sunsets will be replaced by the Sears Tower. The ground squirels will turn to dogs in sweaters. The homeless woman with the beautiful face will fade into the masses of people on the corners. The bird songs will turn into sirens. 

    It's about time I stop making a list of things I don't want and start making a list of things I look forward to and love about cities. 

-The Wintersong CD in the snow. 

-Snow in general. 

-Real Fall.

-Waking up to Jesus and Lake Michigan.

-The human race

-Finally meeting the roommate I've prayed for for so long 

-Living on the top floor.

-Phone calls in the hallway.

-Reading in the Plaza

-Seeing shows

-a break from Movies...oddly enough.

-The. World's. Largest. Old. Navy. 

-Frank Sinatra.

-Magnificent Mile.

-12,000 Acres of Parks

-Number 9 greenest City

-24 hour Starbucks.

-Two words: Hobart, Indiana.

-My family in Indiana.

-The L. 

-re-connecting

-skipping rocks on Michigan.

Praise God. 

Drove Backroads.

It's gonna be okay.

No missed calls.

A little weight. 

Running isn't doing anything. 

Sitting down with a sigh, but nothing is released

So here I am, in the middle of this beauty, where the stars are screaming for me to look at them. 

So, why can't I bring myself to do it?

I don't like the sting in the eyes

I need to move to Chicago, I say. 

Never think that it doesn't matter.

Sometimes, I think Chicago is becoming an unrighteous escape. 

Is there such a thing?

Of Course.

If I had more than a quarter tank of gas.

If I had more than 100.95

If I had a chance to, I'd drive.

I'd sit on a hill so far away that no one would know.

I'd watch the sunrise in my letterman jacket.

I'd let things out and breathe in God.

I would gasp in Christ.

I would inhale deeply.

When left with too much time, I think.

Thinking leads to writing

It's a nasty habit, but at least it's not talking.

Talking gets me into trouble.

So, I drive at night and then I find this:

Stay close by my side/keep your eyes on me./Though this life is hard/I will give you perfect peace/In this time of trial/ Pain that no one sees/ Trust me when I say,/"I will give you perfect peace."/And you'll never walk alone./And you'll never be in need/ Though I may not calm the storms around you/You can hide in me/ Burdens that you bear./Offer no relief/ Let me bear your load/ 'cause I will give you perfect peace./ Stay close by my side/and you'll never walk alone/ keep your eyes on me/and you'll never be in need/ though this life is hard, know that I will/ always give you perfect peace/ I will give you perfect peace.

 So, I go to bed with that in mind. Keep your eyes on me. Though this life is hard, I will give you perfect peace. 

For once,

 I've said it. I've meant it. 

When it comes down to it, it's always you and God in the end. How beautiful. Here's a thought I wrote this weekend in Santa Cruz:

There’s something oddly refreshing about sleeping bags. Adventures that involve a house of 6 college students. The Santa Cruz homeless. Crocs in a river. Feeling genuinely hungry after a day of walking.
    I think that’s how my relationship with God needs to be. I need to make every day some kind of an adventure and take time to sleep in sleeping bags. I need to really know what it means to be hungry for Christ in a way that says, “I’ve been walking for so long and I just long to unwind with you.” I simply desire to let out a real sigh.

            There comes a point when you understand that. God, I hope I’m close. 

Here's to that: Enjoy today, for it may not end the way you thought it would, but perhaps that's for the best. 

I love it when...

The dog is chewing on your stuff.

You get done praying and the phone rings.

It's the video place and your movie is late.

Your foot is asleep.

And Yet, you don't seem to mind because God's going to make today beautiful. 

Sometimes,

Life deserves two posts in one night. 

It's just that un-predictable. 

But it's just that deserving.

Right Now.

Hiking
Fireworks

BBQ

Cute Babies

Hank

Dogsitting

Headache

Cheez-its

Harry Potter

Ultimate!

Smartwater

Fillings

Shots

Re-connecting

Home!

Away

Lonely

Tired

Nap

Batman Bootleg?

Birthday

Nah

Forgetful

Messy Room

Cleaning it up!

Phone calls

Blogging

Podcasts!

NEW Podcasts!

Worn out

Full

Praising

God.

Fears and Imagination.

I have a lot of fear, I am learning. 

Donald Miller says that in order to have a good story, you need fear. I hope he's right.

Amid all the excitement of my life lately, I find myself here again. Tonight I was sitting by the lake. crying. 

There is this fear in me that God is beautiful. That God dances with me on backroads. That God holds me when I want more than anything to be anywhere but home. That God sings me to sleep every night. 

I fear that this God that holds me, that dances with me and that sings to me is going to come to Chicago. He's going to be with me in the morning my first day of class. I fear, however, that he's going to be slammed onto a cold, metal table and disected. That the lover of my soul is going to be torn apart until all I have is tattered Jesus and a degree.

I fear that I've let this thought from the enemy hold my hand.

I feel so disconnected from people right now. I feel like there is no one to talk to. I haven't spoken to anyone on a deep level in weeks. I ache for that intimacy, yet I pull away to shield myself from the scary city of Chicago. To shield myself from home-sickness.

    Needless to say, God is pulling me in a little closer as I fall asleep tonight. I will at last rest in God knowing that He gave Bethany Dillon the words to the song, 'Imagination' for a reason. Every night I listen to it to fall asleep. So, may you be blessed as I try to breathe it in. 

Thanks for reading my mind. 

I need to be reminded of who I was

When I took my first steps out the door

All I said now follows me around

I'm reminded I'm not like that anymore

I uprooted and miles behind me

Are the faces and the home I love

You've brought to my attention

I'm slowly changing and becoming

What I wanted to stop

Isn't that just like a finite mind?

Setting out with such righteous indignation

But now I'm at your feet

Could you look at me with some imagination

The bush before me, I slip my sandals off

I only stopped to look

In the depths of the sea, in the midst of a great storm

I run, I run from you

Isn't that just like a finite mind?

Setting out with such righteous indignation

But now I'm at your feet

Could you look at me with some imagination

So remind me why you woke me up

And why you wake me every morn

The staff in my hand

Held in by your love

Just stay close, stay close

Because I know my own mind

I set out with righteous indignation

But when I'm at your feet

Please look at me with some imagination

With some imagination