Fearing God.

I have a real problem sleeping after an earthquake. There's just something about California that freaks me out. Perhaps I'm the only one, but when I see a huge shooting star, the feeling of panic is sometimes greater than joy. I think, "There is something burning up in the sky as it comes at me."
Today, there was an earthquake. It was just small enough to not do damage, but big enough to arouse sleeping fears and it makes me contemplate the unknown. In the bible, the earth quakes a lot. Sometimes I feel like that's just the way he manifests himself the most. In nature.
God is so huge that we just don't get it most of the time. We go on with our lives until the living room shakes and it feels like someone just picked up your house and dropped it.
Sure the adrenaline rises. Memories of a 6.5 come to mind. You guess where to take cover. You sit up and get ready to move. The world sort of collapses for a moment and all you know is I-don't-know-what-to-do-I-am-not-in-control-I-might-die. Sure, that's a little dramatic, but seeing as the last earthquake killed some people, I'm not totally sure it's too much. For all I knew, LA was underwater and the North American Plate had broken off.
Sometimes I wonder if God kicks the plates around to remind us that he is so big and so in control and there's nothing we can do about it. Not in a bad way, but in a way that says, "I'm here, remember?" To get us back to good old fashioned fear and understanding that no matter how many movies we watch, how many books we read, how many people vote for Obama, He is still God. We lose sight of that from time to time.
On nights like this when my head is full of what-ifs and scary movie trailers, I wonder if fearing God is terrible. Then I remember: I'm still alive. Things will be okay.
Here's to Earthquakes.
Here's to plate tectonics.
Here's to lives lost and lives saved.
Here's to meteors.
And Here's to a God who causes it all to happen.

From 60 to 0.

Why is it that when you are the most okay with life and God is the clearest, the sky becomes cloudy and you find yourself desperate for Grace and Peace?

    I desire to see God. I desire for my house to be quiet. I want so much for my voice to be heard and for conclusions not to be drawn. I want so badly for things to be normal. For life to not be hard and for Chicago to be outside my window. 

    If you are reading this, pray for me. I so desperately need to see God. Thanks, friend.

The Grace of God wins again.

Today was an amazing day. It was beautiful in Santa Barbara where I met up with Lindsay for some much-wanted time together. It was great because we went to the beach, State street, and the Zoo! I love the zoo. 

    I came to the realization that God is always working to accomplish something good for His people. He so amazingly orchestrated everything from only using a 1/2 tank of gas to listening to "Holy is the Lord God almighty" as the sun was setting over the Pacific. I came home and talked to my friend Melissa for a while as we walked around SLO.

      This whole time, I was just thinking, "God. You're all that I really need. I don't need to be afraid. I don't need to try and make anything happen. God, you will totally orchestrate it." 

    I got home and logged online to find this Story.    I love how in control God is in everything. When I watched this clip I almost cried. God is incredible. 

   Grace and Peace. Zoo pictures to come.

Thoughts on sitting in a vineyard.

Yesterday I went to a place I hadn’t been in a while. It’s a vineyard about 2 miles from Cuesta college. I pulled to the side of the road, picked up Walking with God by Eldredge and got out of the car. I walked over to the grapes and sat down in the dirt, against a branch.
I had some things to do already and I knew I only had about an hour to spare. So much around me needed to be done and yet, I knew that if I didn’t spend time with God I would probably burst.
It was a nice enough day and I was able to wear shorts and a Tee Shirt and not be frozen stiff. As soon as I sat down, my cell phone fell out of my hand into the dirt. Since it’s spring, the vineyards are pretty soft and cultivated getting ready for a summer of growing. The field is cleaned up and the dirt is soft, so it left a little bit of dust on my phone.
I settled into the branch behind me. As I began to read about how God wants me to find him and listen to him, the wind started to blow. Still, it wasn’t so bad, because I really was being warmed by the sun. But as the time went on, The wind blew harder and harder and I found it more and more difficult to read.
There was literally a battle going on as I struggled to find God. A battle of the sun versus the wind. The warm versus the cold. I was fighting the distractions, determined to finish the chapter.
So often in my own life, I get distracted by the wind. My true source of life and light and warmth is nice and I am safe and content. After a bit, a little breeze comes by and it is nice. Soon, I begin to desire the wind. It come stronger and stronger until it is out of control. I soon do not want the wind but it is just too late.
Yesterday, I realized what a battle it is for us to simple spend time with God. What seems like a harmless distraction becomes a roadblock.
A few times a week, I sit on the second floor of Barnes and Noble’s in SLO and look out at the people below me in the plaza. Almost every time, I see the strangest thing: This man in an automatic wheelchair sits and watches people, making them feel uncomfortable and hold their kids a little closer. Every day he sits and smokes cigarette after cigarette, just watching people with this tired awkward look on his face.
Several times now, I’ve seen him go over to the security guard who watches the plaza and mutter something. After a moment’s hesitation, the guard always leans over, reaches into the man’s fanny pack, pulls out the pack of cigarettes and a lighter, and lights the man’s cigarette. He breathes in and she shakes. He smokes and coughs and gags. Still, that guard will light his cigarettes.
I wonder why it is that we fell into this trap. We see something that looks like a good idea, when in reality it is making the problem worse. I am not saying this man is a bad man, or the guard is a bad guard. I’m just sitting here on the second floor, wondering if that’s how things are supposed to work.
When one forgets to spend time with God, one begins to take things into their own hands. After a week of prayer, they assume God will not work and they make the first move. Things will always fall apart.
I wonder what it’s going to take before I stop doing what I think I’m supposed to do. Before I stop lighting cigarettes and realize that I’m making the problem worse. Before I enjoy the sun without the wind.
God, teach me to understand that things aren’t in my control, but that doesn’t mean I need to give up. Help me to fight to see and feel the sun. Remind me that I am yours and that you are worth fighting for. Discipline me to spend time with you, even when it’s against my instinct.

Life highs and goodbyes.

I laughed a lot today. I reconnected with a friend. I saw a person I'd like to befriend. I smiled at the baby behind me in church.
I talked a lot today. Almost too much. But if I hadn't it wouldn't be me.
I thought a lot today. About being single. About weddings and invitations.
I laughed a lot today. With my co-workers. Sharing stories.
I wonder why it is that God doesn't allow some things to happen. Why he allows things that bring pain so immensely into our lives. We make it through and we pray, 'May that never happen to anyone else I love' and then it does. Oh, I do not like that.
Today, things changed. My life was reminded of a few things that maybe I should look into. My hair changed directions. Literally. It was weird--my part moved.
I prayed today for another friend. She is leaving us and following God. I so wish I were as brave.
God, make me brave. I am afraid, but I still laugh.
a lot.
Today.
Praise God.

Mr. Magoruim's Wonder Emporium.

This movie has a few amazing lines that got me thinking the other night. I feel like I'm always waiting. I'm waiting to move to Chicago. I'm waiting to break the single spell. I'm waiting for laundry to be done. I'm waiting for another great thing to happen.
I can't help but think/feel/understand/realize that God didn't intend things to be this way. He intended us to take in every moment. As I was driving to return a guitar to a friend tonight (mine was broken. :(... ) I was taking everything in. The countless couples walking around the lake. The children riding their bikes. The baseball players standing in the field and leaning against fence posts. Where one story ends, another begins.
God allowed and blessed me so much to live here on the Central Coast. I can't help but breathe in at times like this. The sun is setting. My head is vaguely hurting from a day of Ultimate Frisbee in the sun. I will miss everything here, but that doesn't mean I miss it now. I'm still here, for crying out loud.
Yesterday, I went to San Luis with my mom and my sister and I found myself so tired. I was just sitting there at Splash Cafe *plug.* and my mom and sister both asked me if I was okay. Instead of my usual crazy and wierd self I was just sitting there with my arms crossed on the table, slumping into them. I was emotionally exhausted from this week. What a week it was!
Oh, the beauty of my Lover is that he allows me to get it all in. Even when I'm in this stage of exhaust and melancholy, he still takes me into his arms and we watch the sunset together. He still gives me just enough gas in my car to make it around the lake so I can fall in love again. He is to me, at this moment, the lover of my soul. I want to simply come home to Him, unwind with him and relax in that.
Go read Psalm 37:3-5. It is my heart. It is His truth. May it give you what you need right now. I'm off to live.
Grace and Peace.

A newseum!!

This morning I saw on the 6:00 Daybreak News that there is a 'Newseum' opening today in Washington DC. If you know me, you know that I'm a total news junkie. So, I am totally stoked!
The reason I was watching the news was because I woke up a bit before 6 and ran up a hill. Like, a mile-long hill on the outskirts of Atascadero. I went with some ladies from my bible study and they had gone ahead (guessing that I was a no-show) so I had to catch up to them. This meant running. My poor body didn't know what to do. The sun was rising and it was something straight out of 'The Lion King.'
God was really teaching me this morning the difference an hour or two makes in waking up early. I was able to run, which I love; watch the news, which I love; see the sun rise on a hill-top, which I love; lift weights, which I love; and spend time with God--which I love!
Words cannot express, readers.
The only bummer is that I was realizing how much I am going to miss this place. Here on the Central Coast things are silent in the morning and you can almost feel God's mercies being new every morning. One of my favorite lines from a song is Nicole Nordemon's line, " You mercies are new every morning, so let me wake with the dawn. "
How great is my God. The lover of my soul. I know I've been vague with this Chicago thing, so I'll fill you in later. Hah! you must wait. Oh, and about the pictures, it's just a reminder that the Angels are still the best. :)
Grace and Peace

Chicago...

So, the letter came. Praise God!
I was so excited about it that I came right home. I wanted to call people, but first I wanted to call out to Jesus. So, I got in the car and listened to the song 'Move me aside' by Lindsey Kane. What a blessing these words have been to me:
Move me like you move the trees

Change me like you change the leaves

Calm me like you calm to seas

Lord, move me aside and move

Free me like you free the rains

Break me like you break the chains

Use me like you use the pain

Move me aside and move.

Lord, here am I

Move me aside and move in me.

Move in this place

Until I embrace you, King of Kings

Move me aside

Water me like you water the land

Hold me like you hold out your hand

Love me like only you can

Lord, move me aside and move

Rule me like you rule on high

Fill me like you fill a desire

Lift me like you lift the sky
Move me aside and Move.

Apart from you I can't do anything

Let it be more of you, less of me

And would you use me and show me

it's all for your glory

Move me aside and move

Lord here am I.

What an amazing God we serve! I can't wait to see what lies ahead in Chicago and beyond.

Grace and Peace!