Love, you are Lovely.

http://www.ksby.com/Global/story.asp?S=8286064

And it's funny how this song is my escape into the arms of God as I collapse from emotional and spiritual exhaustion. Today was much longer than I had anticipated. I wanted to talk about God with a professor. She wasn't in the office. I wanted to hear from a missionary, but he thought that under current circumstances it'd be better to let the kids talk.
Once again, a life has been lost. He was 17. It was something straight out of a movie and it seems that that is the only way I can picture it right now. Perhaps it helps. It so reminded me of the new movie, "The life before her eyes." High School Tragedies are hard to swallow and it feels like it just keeps coming back up. I was sitting and leading worship with these kids until it felt like my fingers were going to bleed. I sang out until my voice was broken and tired. It seemed like it was all I could do. Everything was chaos.
There's something so difficult about being a high school leader. Because when they are in so much pain there is nothing you can do but pray. You don't know what to say and how to act and you feel very much so unlike a leader. You want to scream, but all that can come out is a whisper. You want to hug the kids, but you are afriad they might break. You look into their tired, red eyes and your heart breaks inside. I guess this is what it is to love. It's painful.
I know that God will reveal himself, but all I want of his right now is to be held by him. I want to unwind with God. I want to dance with him. I want to see him as my beloved. My strength.
I sound like a very sad person on this blog, but tonight I am a very sad person and that's okay. No one is answering. I guess that's for the best. I need God alone right now.
Please pray for my kids and what they saw today. Pray for wisdom as I meet with one of the girls who tried to pull him out of the pool. Pray for Grace and Peace in our small town and healing in our community. Only God is capable of good in this terrible mess of chaos.
I want you to know I love you. Even if we've never met. I love you so much.