Things never happen the same way twice.

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and now one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

I'm not sure why I so love this new song. I think it's because it's from the new Narnia movie, which I loved. I sat there and I suddenly saw the bigger picture. God whispered to me in the battles and kisses and hugs and magic. God winked at me when Aslan said, "Things never happen the same way twice." He is so teaching me that right now.
I am going back to UCSF Comprehensive Cancer Center. The picture above is me at 16 before my scar. I feel like it's unfair because I made it out alive and the people that are there might not. The fighter within me wants to save them.
Yes, I'm going back. It's because I can't swallow when I look up. It will be okay. Of course, there's still a small amount of fear. I'm just looking at the building in a new light.
God is doing things. He is showing me the glory in lives that are lead by him. Marriages and Finals and new friends. Things are not meant to be on our own. As I sat in the theater, I wanted to cry when I watched them launch into battle after Peter said, " I think we've waited for Aslan long enough."
How often do I say that? I forget God. I choose to control my life. I choose to make a fist rather than raise my hands. I know that this whole UCSF thing is for a good reason. I need to come back to the place I called on God the most. The place he showed himself strongest in my weakness.
God will come back when we call him. There is nothing to fear, friend.