You know, I didn't think that things would affect me. I didn't know you could have flashbacks at 18. Last night, I was driving onto Highway 1 when a CHP came into the intersection. I gunned it out of the way, as he flew Northbound. I knew it from the moment I looked up that there was an accident.
About a mile further down, There was a truck on the southbound side. It was white and it was on it's side. People and Cars were crowding. I could physically see another accident that had happened earlier this year: I could feel the cold air shooting into my lungs that night as I pulled out my camera and notebook for the city paper. I could see the cars twisted and crushed into each other.
While this accident proved not to be fatal, my heart burned in my chest and my breath got short. All I could say was "Dad, I don't think I want to be a journalist."
The first time that was ever said.
There is this unrealistic fear in me that it will happen. I mean, they always say, "it'll never happen to me" but it seems to be all around me. Such is life, I guess.
All of this madness makes me think to myself (as I cannot sleep because of this) How is it that I'm supposed to take this? should I cover it? Should I pray about it? Should I ignore it? God has put me here for a reason and it seems that when I try to get it all, there is another car accident. Just over the hill. Just past the turn. Just through my camera lens.
When life and writing meet, there is journalism. When fears and chaos collide, there is warfare. When God speaks, I listen. I hardly even know what to say.
The Grace of God allows me to live on. I feel like I'm always on the scene and it concerns me. It makes me worry about death and car accidents and my future. May is going to be a rough month for my family, so I guess it's just on my mind.
The Grace of God allows me to live on.
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