I feel like the last 48 hours have gone by really slowly. I'm sitting in a clean room on a blue chair listening to James Taylor and I feel terrible. Allergies have got me. Really.
There is something oddly re-assuring about James Taylor. I wonder if he's a calm person. He seems to be, anyway.
I'm in the middle of a strange time. The future is vague. The past is more a memory. The present is not what I want to focus on. Too much sad stuff. Too much confusion.
Sneeze. Sneeze. Cough.
Today was Easter. We were supposed to have a "dinner" around 2 or 3. We ate at 5. I guess that's the beauty of my family. I was nice, but I couldn't taste it. Oh, well.
I feel like I'm Debbie Downer. I swear that I'm not like that, and yet, right now I am. I get so spiritually attacked when I'm sick. I found myself about to gossip or complain a lot. I cried a lot, too. It's so frustrating! I'm just physically weak, so spiritually I can barely hold myself up. Not that I can when I'm well. It's really up to God.
I watched the movie, "Enchanted" tonight. It was cute. I saw it with my sister and her husband, my brother and his girlfriend. I found myself feeling sorry again. What gives? I have Hank (sister's dog) and he's great. I don't need a boy. I don't deserve a relationship with this attitude anyway. I don't need one. I already said that.
I do wonder when things will return to normal. Well, level out, anyway. At this point, things will never be the same again. I just have to keep moving on and trusting God. He knows what He is doing.
Anyway, my sister wants me to pick her up at 9:15 a.m. So much for sleeping in! :)
I hope to do more writing right now anyway. At this time. I feel really distant from a lot of things and people, so it'd be good to document how God provides. He always does. Take last summer for example. I started with no close friends. I ended with at least one.
Baby steps.
...baby steps.
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