Funny.

I's funny that I feel like this, but I guess that it's only a matter of time until these things happen. 

I have no Thyroid. In bible times, I'd be dying right now. Medication keeps me alive. 

I am incomplete physically. 

     Some days, I think that as long as I take my meds, I will be okay. Is that how I view God? As just a pill to make things last longer? To make it from one day to the next? 

     I don't think that is how it was intended. I know God knows what he is doing, but sometimes, I forget that. I think, 'Why do I feel off?' Maybe it's because I am. 

    This is something hard to describe, but I have no one to talk to about it. Voicemail. Voicemail. Voicemail.

    God, tonight we watched a movie. The couple kissed and I let out a sigh of discontent, saying to you, 'It's just us, Love.' People say, "You're just 18.' What do they know about being a joke? What do people care, so long as it's not them? I honestly think that you're all I need at this point.

    I know people don't mean to let me down. I know that I should live with mercy and grace. So, why is it that I get frustrated until I just have to write just to process? I don't even know what I am trying to say. 

    God, you know what's gone on the past week inside of me. You know that I'm afraid. You know I'm trying to trust you. You know I'm trying to act like nothing major is about to happen the next few months. But things are going to change. I can feel it. People will move away. Friends will stumble. Doors will be closed. Doors will be opened. I'll find out what I'm doing this summer. I will sing in the choir I've always dreamed of, and no one will come to my concert. 

    I know you know. I'm sorry, God. Please keep reminding me that I am yours. Only  yours. I love you. I desire you. I take confidence in you. Lead me beside still waters. Take away fear.