I moved.

Thank you for reading this blog, but I have chosen to move here.
Follow me! :)
Grace and Peace,
Me.

It is decided.

There are many things that I need to do before summer draws to a close:
1. Sleep under the stars AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
2. Hike AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
3. Eat Better
4. Run/Play Tennis or Golf AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
5. Feel the sun on my face AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
6. Make cards
7. Send letters
8. Get skirts for class (High Five for dress codes!)
9. Take Photos for people as a legit job!
10. See 'Julie and Julia'
11. Listen more
12. Breathe more.
13. Watch more.
14. Write More.
15. Photograph More.
16. Pick up glasses
17. Go to a Kiwanis meeting
18. Play golf.
19. Do Laundry
20. Love people AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

I think I will start with number one.
Good night.

Just a friendly reminder...

...See Beauty.

Amazing.

http://brookefraser.com/blog/archives/260#more-260

She says it better than I.

Easily Distracted.

On my desk at school all year was a sticky note that simply said, "Do not let your faith become easily distracted."
This was such a prayer for me the past 11 months. There is almost nothing more frustrating to me than distraction. Especially when I find myself totally willing to be distracted. I am like a stupid bug, staring at the zapper, practically letting myself get caught. This is nothing violent. It's natural and feels good. It makes sense and I can usually legitimize it
Therefore, I am amazed that this is not the case right now. I'm totally NOT distracted. I know exactly what it is I need to do and focus on. I know just where I should be and just where my heart lies. Still, I cannot help but be frustrated.
You see, I am here. In Dallas. In an apartment that is air conditioned. With an adorable dog. And every movie I could ever want to watch. And an X-Box 360. And a Wii. And a television that shows up in HD. I also have the internet and a Macbook Pro. And a Nikon D40.
Still, I am totally frustrated. There is something so unsatifying (praise Jesus!) about being here. I long for community and relationship. I want to get lost in the woods and be able to just wander to the East to find my way back. If I wandered in Dallas, Texas, I would, no doubt, get lost. Entirely lost.
This is a bittersweet thing for me. Because for the first time in a long time, I know what I want and I have my head on straight and my heart is quiet and priorities are set. Oh, bliss.
Yet, I cannot breathe. Why is this? Probably because I don't have what I want. I don't have so many friends around me. I don't have Ten West or SpringHill Camps or even Atascadero. I just have myself, and Dallas most of the day. And we sit here in silence while I try to bend time and make my sister come home from work sooner so that I can talk to a person. And even then I just miss things.
Oh, heart. You miss so much. You want so little and yet it seems like an ocean full of so much.

In Life,

One faces moments when things are changing and we are very aware of it.
Fears are faced.
Hearts are broken.
It seems to me that the last year has been a huge blur of moments memorable and ones I'd rather forget. It is hard for me to explain to people what has happened. It's not that I don't care about things. It's just that I am becoming realistic.
I am growing up.
Who knew that living this life would change so much on the day I entered my twenties? I can hardly write it down. My heart is quiet. My words are few. But I'm really okay with that. There is conflict, but there is peace. A unusual peace.
When I said goodbye to my friend Ashley the other week, I realized that no one I know knows her, really. And my life at Springhill was an area of my life that was...mine. Not my family's. Not my Moody friends'. Not anyone's. Mine.
In that moment I started to catch a hint of independence and change and quietness. I started to mourn over losing my teen years. I started to look back for just a moment. And now, I have taken a breath and I am starting to step into full adulthood. Slowly. Stepping.
My heart races even now as I look to this new phase of my life. More than a new chapter, this feels like a new book. New camera. New thoughts. New ideas. New friendships.
I so love the way that life changes. I thought for so long that I would hate it. That nothing would ever change. That I was always going to be a small-town girl with a passion to write and a need--a desperate need--for the ocean.
But what I have found these days is that I want things I didn't know I wanted. I want to live in the woods. I don't mind being single. I love camp and camping things. I love carabiners. I love hiking. I love friendships that are challenging. There is such a thing as a two-way relationship. It's okay to feel angry sometimes. I don't have to be okay. I don't have to be anything. I just need to keep my eyes of Jesus.
Even as I type, my fingers press harder and harder on the keys as something is pouring out from so deeply inside of me. An ache is floating slowly to the surface as I set down my resistance. I've been trying to cling to things that were me. things that are no longer me.
I never liked the movie Dumb and Dumber. I thought it was stupid and pointless comedy.
There is no way that I can continue to live the way that people want me to live. I need to be honest. I'm not going to hope that things are fine when I go to the dentist tomorrow. I'm going to pray. And I miss praying. I miss holding hands with close friends and praying with them. I miss relationships that are real and that I don't have to perform for.
I miss so many things. And the fact of the matter is, I have to leave it all behind me. I have to face the twenties with a new outlook. I cannot keep being a teenager who doesn't know what she wants. I know exactly what I want.
I want God. I want to speak to him in the morning and in the evening and in the middle of the night. I want to stop doubting His sovereignty and write damning sentences. I want to stop wording things the right way so as to get the results I want. I want to be His entirely. I want to start every day for the rest of my life in His presence.
I want relationships that are good and that are centered on Christ. I want to love people in every situation they are in and I want them to feel that Love. I want to put my arms around more people that need it. I want to travel. I want to be brave.
I want to take photos of what I see and not feel like I'm pretending to be a photographer. I want to make films that make people want to live differently. I want to fear less.
Normally, birthdays are supposed to be exciting. But not many called. And I took a nap. And somehow, it was just what I needed. I needed a day to move forward and to process before this all came out.
Tomorrow, life continues and I know just who I want to start the day with.
Here's to tomorrow.
And the next day.
And the next day.
And my twenties.
And every day for the rest of my life.

Old things New.

In moments when I want the words to come, but they cannot; Will not:
I thank God for film.